Things Dogs Must Try to Remember

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the


coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in

the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my

people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when

it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Dad's driver's

license and car registration...