Revealed: The 10 classic novels bluffing Brits pretend they have read to impress their friends (even though 95 per cent of us think they are dull)

 

• TV channel Dave asked readers to name the dullest classic novels they had read
• 95 per cent of people admitted they found reading older novels and plays hard
• Nearly half of Britons pretended to have read a classic novel in order to impress 
• The dullest classic was judged to be Leo Tolstoy’s 1869 novel War and Peace

They're the books we know we’re meant to have read – but which many of us are too daunted by to actually pick up and start.

That hasn’t stopped nearly half of Britons from pretending to have devoured classics in an attempt to impress others.

An overwhelming 95 per cent of people find reading older novels and plays hard work, a poll has found. However many said they bluff their literary knowledge to appear more intelligent.

'Put it near the window, the neighbours can't see it there'

The dullest classic was judged to be Leo Tolstoy’s 1869 novel War and Peace, which was voted for by 51 per cent of those surveyed.

Shakespeare’s longest play Hamlet, which comes in at 29,551 words in some versions, closely follows as the second most likely to send readers scrambling for the caffeine.

Other novels which have failed to entice readers include Herman Melville’s Moby Dick, Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights and James Joyce’s 730-page novel Ulysses.

Although length may have put off many readers, George Orwell’s novella Animal Farm and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby also made their way into the top ten.

TV Channel Dave has given give the classics a ‘modern comedy makeover’, reinventing Jay Gatsby as an influencer posting self-congratulatory posts across his social media

Animal Farm featuring Boris the Boar and Starmer the Horse, oh and a farmyard campaign to get ‘Hexit Done’

Moby Dick the classic loses 132 chapters (yet none of the story) and ends with a sole survivor clinging to a makeshift cheeseboard

Some 48 per cent of men and 44 per cent of women are willing to lie about having finished the classics – with young people most likely to fib.

Of the 2,000 adults surveyed, 35 per cent said they would lie to look more intelligent, 24 per cent to impress a friend and only 11 per cent to woo a date.

Yet more than two thirds said they would be tempted to pick up the classics if they were funnier, according to the survey by TV channel Dave and the University of St Andrews.

The new version of Wuthering Heights sees Heathcliff sent to counselling for anger management and toxic masculinity

In the new take on Hamlet, the would be King considers jacking it all in for an easier life abroad – the ‘To be or not be to’ scene rewritten with striking parallels to Harry & Meghan

The revamped Bleak House embraces the chaos of this mind boggling book by drawing parallels with dreaded conference calls and the iconic Handforth Parish Council meeting

Dave has given give the classics a ‘modern comedy makeover’, reinventing Jay Gatsby as an influencer and putting Wuthering Heights’ Heathcliff in therapy. 

Rachel Parris, stand-up comedian and star of Late Night Mash, runs through key passages for the likes of Moby Dick in a series of video readings.

Each witty remake is now available to download at www.dave.uktv.co.uk

Rachel Parris, stand-up comedian and star of Late Night Mash, runs through key passages for the likes of Moby Dick in a series of video readings for TV Channel Dave

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10567067/Lord-lies-Half-Britons-pretend-read-classic-novels-impress-poll-shows.html