Why Women Should Love Each Other. ~ Paula Carrasquillo

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Via elephantjournal.comon Jun 13, 2013

I love women, but I’m not a lesbian.

I think the female form is artistic and romantic. Tall or short; fat or slim; young or old. Women are incredibly beautiful to me.

And then there are the minds of women. Wow!

Women represent a certain kind of collective kindred power. I find strength and understanding within my female circle of friends. I learn so much about myself and the world around me just by listening and giving attention to the words of other females.

I dislike the idea of female competition and would much rather choose to admire another woman for her positive traits than see her through the distorted lens of jealous and envious “green eyes.” (Ironically, my eyes happen to be green!)

I remember at a young age rejecting the “mean girl” game. You know, that game some women play beginning as early as grade school where they single out another female, pretend to be her friend then proceed to tease her and manipulate her, only to burst her bubble by saying, “Just kidding. We don’t really like you.”

I always found the mean girl game to be senseless, cruel and unusual.

Maybe I hate that game because I grew up surrounded by women, from aunts and female cousins to sisters.

And I have a lot of sisters, seven to be exact. (For privacy sake, I have changed their names for this article.)

I have three full-sisters (Lucy, Sarah and Emma); two twin half-sisters (Patience and Grace) and two stepsisters (Amy and Kate).

The eight of us range in age, with a span of almost 15 years between the twins and my youngest sister, Emma. For the most part, we liked each other growing up and got along like sisters are expected to get along. (My sister Sarah would beg to differ; she and Lucy always seemed to be in conflict, but that’s another story.)

We are all very different from how we look to how we make friends and socialize.

From a very young age, I learned to embrace each of my sisters for their uniqueness and for their similarities to me. We each have exceptionally positive traits and a number of negative traits. I never focused on the negative ones but instead focused on their positive ones.

The shortest among us is 5’1” and the tallest is 5’11.5”. (No, we cannot say she is 6-feet tall. She doesn’t like that.)

Patience and Grace are quiet and reserved and are two of the most soft-spoken and gentle people I know.

Lucy is statuesque and attractive. People often compared her to Brook Shields when she was a teenager. She is stubborn and strong, but also quite shy considering her presence, even in a crowded room, rarely goes unnoticed.

Emma is best friends with all of her friends, and she has many friends. She’s sweet and kind; people are naturally drawn to her. She’s a nurse, which suits her personality perfectly. She’s also my best friend.

Sarah is kind, considerate and the friendliest among us. She could find a new friend anywhere she goes. She lacks confidence, even though she has no reason to judge herself so harshly.

Amy is incredibly intelligent. She’s knows a little bit about almost everything. She’s funny and has a generous heart. I don’t see Amy often, but hope to change that soon.

Kate is very private. Like my other sisters, she’s also very intelligent. Kate always seems to have a book in her hand or is talking about a book she recently read. If you don’t know about something Kate is talking about, you might hear, “Oh, you’re kidding, right?”

When I meet other women, I can’t help but compare them to myself and to at least one of my sisters. I subconsciously “tag” women with the name and personality of one of my sisters. In so doing, I am able to avoid prematurely liking or disliking them.

More often than not, I end up admiring each woman I encounter for at least one trait I interpret as positive.

If you can believe this, I have never been jealous of another woman, not even ex-girlfriends of my husband or new girlfriends of past partners. I’ve tried to be jealous of them. I can’t lie. But when it comes down to it, I laugh at myself and say, “Paula, you know that being jealous of someone makes no sense, right? So, stop it.”

I inevitably kick myself for my temporary lapse and end up admiring them from a distance. After all, if someone I dated liked or likes them, they must have some amazing qualities, too. (Hey, it’s a good thing to think highly of yourself sometimes!)

As far as the women in my life who I sit next to at work or chat with online or meet at my son’s after-school activities or mediate next to while practicing yoga or eating BBQ with at outings with friends, I admire each of them for something they have said or done. Each of them.

Why? Because everyone has something good inside of them, and I choose love and admiration over hate and jealousy. It’s really that simple.

Women loving each other for being women is a beautiful thing in my eyes.

Paula Carrasquillo is an active yogi, author and advocate who has lived in numerous watersheds throughout the United States, including Colorado, Maine, Maryland and New Mexico. She currently lives in the Washington, D.C. metro area. Paula is passionate about her family, friends and the motivational and brave people she meets daily through her online writing and social media exchanges. To Paula, every person, place, thing, idea and feeling she encounters is significant and meaningful, even those which she most wants to forget. Follow Paula on Twitter and on her blog.