The basis of relationships is communication—the vehicle we use to create intimacy.
According to the yogic system, the basis of every individual is the Kundalini System, the seven chakras or energy centres symbolically located through the spine.
We can use this system to learn about ourselves and create what we want in our lives. Like intimacy in relationships.
The way we create what we want in our lives is with clarity and reflection. I need to know what’s happening. And when another person is involved, I need to communicate with them. Reflecting about what’s happening can be intimidating enough sometimes, to think about sharing those reflections with another person can be down right scary. Yet that’s how we create intimacy—by acknowledging what is real and sharing our thoughts, feelings and emotions with another person.
The Kundalini System offers us a tool or a framework to do this. We can reflect on the themes of each chakra and use them to deepen our relationships.
The First chakra: Muladhara—taking responsibility.
The first chakra is the foundation, where energy originates and from which it can go in all directions. Our energy is constantly moving. Sometimes we forget that we choose where it goes.
Someone once said about a relatively prominent member of the community that everyone had a crush on her. I started thinking how this kind of mindset is disempowering, how it shifts responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings away and onto a faceless mass.
In order to do what we want with this energy, in order to create intimacy, we must take responsibility for where our energy is going. From that place of honesty we can connect with one another.
Make a list of untested beliefs about the people around us. What thoughts or assumptions can we take responsibility for rather than shifting it off to others? Share this list with a partner and talk about what you’ve learned.
The Second chakra: Svadhistana—fear and our imagination.
In the second chakra the themes of fear and imagination appear. These can be detrimental in relationship—energy put toward imagined jealousy or fearful insecurity—or beneficial—concocting a creative date or fears of loss revealing how much we care about a person.
Reflect on the deepest fears and wildest imaginings in relationship. Do they have a basis or can they be discarded? What do we want to imagine? Share the findings.
The Third chakra: Manipura—our emotional centre.
What do we do when emotions arise? In our most intimate and vulnerable relationships, emotions can even more easily cloud our sight, the sense associated with the third chakra.
We can use these emotions to draw closer to those around us, rather than letting them get in the way as they sometimes can. By naming our emotions it puts distance between us and them, rather than the distance being between us and our partners.
Recognize how emotions come into play in situations. Treat them as facts, and know that they’re not who we really are. Investigate them with a curious mind. Squeeze out their intelligence. We can come at them like scientists, on a team with our partners to strengthen intimacy instead of letting them degrade it.
The Fourth chakra: Anahata—compassion, humility, friendship.
Intimacy doesn’t only mean sexual intimacy. Yet sexual intimacy is increased with the intimacy of friendship.
The heart is the bridge between the lower three and upper three chakras. It’s where the themes of compassion, humility, and friendship reside. It’s where we can experience the subtle feelings these ideas bring forward out of us.
What is friendship? How do these themes connect?
Investigate the idea of what it means to be a friend. We can share these reflections by reading or simply exchanging thoughts, or by living out the ideas we’ve discovered in your relationships.
The Fifth chakra: Vishuddhi—creation and surrender.
Here, the theme of creation is revisited. The act of creating with another person, no matter what it is that we make, requires a degree of surrender. Our small “s” selves must surrender to something greater, whether it’s a conversation that two people contribute to, a work of art made with multiple pairs of hands or a special space opened and held to allow for vulnerability. The creation of intimacy is just that: an act of creation.
The sixth chakra is where our drop of consciousness can connect with the ocean that is all consciousness.
Creating intimacy with another at this level can include quiet meditation and just being with each other. Notice what thoughts ebb and flow. Is there a common theme or anything that’s been bothering us? By sharing what goes on in our mind, the lake reflecting our experiences, we can discover a quiet depth of intimacy.
The Seventh chakra: Sahasrara—union.
At this level there are no words to describe the experience of union and intimacy. We can cultivate and refine our experiences, developing each chakra to the level of silent, subtle connection.
Within ourselves lies the map to higher consciousness. The framework of the Kundalini system provides us a mirror to show us where we are.