I didn’t always think that the hair growing on a woman’s body, apart from that on her head and that between her legs, was particularly attractive.
I much preferred being able to run my hand along smooth and shiny legs, or when I saw glimpses of folds of paler skin under a woman’s arm.
Even though I had my preferences at the same time, I have always wanted to support a woman’s right to do whatever she wants with her body. Somehow in the past I was able to maintain what I at least thought was a respectful “not for me” and as such choose women who met my perceived standards of beauty.
About two years ago I decided to change that. I felt limited by this perspective and I was discovering that many of the women I was beginning to encounter in my social circles were considerably relaxed when it came to manicuring the hair on their bodies.
What I loved about these women was their nature loving spirit. That they allowed themselves to be natural, to choose natural beauty treatments and to want to let their bodies be as they were. I respected that completely, and yet still found myself slightly averse and uncomfortable whenever they lifted their arms overhead, or would wear shorter skirts.
I did not want to feel uncomfortable and furthermore I wanted to be drawn to these kinds of women as I found so many other things about them alluring. And so I set about intentionally dismantling the conditioning in my mind that had led me to believe what was attractive.
We are all conditioned to some degree or another. Very few of us have grown up free from the bombardments of media that tells us what is and isn’t attractive. As men we are saturated with images of hairless, skinny, yet somehow still voluptuous women with curvy hips and big breasts.
Growing up seeing image after image of this in all the “mens’” movies and magazines and TV shows and advertisements it should be no surprise that this is unquestionably what most men think is attractive. I use the word “think” intentionally, because in some way attraction is guided by our thoughts and values. Granted there is an irrevocable biological aspect to attraction, that our bodies will be drawn by pheromones, how compatible another’s immune system is with ours and their perceived suitability for child bearing.
These factors, however, become increasingly less deterministic as we begin to open into the possibilities of creating the life we want to live. At some point personality becomes more important, and then what the other values and desires for their life. How compatible we are not just in body but in mind, heart and life purpose is given increasingly higher relevance.
And so attraction, particularly for men who are more visual creatures, is bound by our thoughts and how what we are seeing relates to what we think about that thing. If we see the skinny, big breasted and hairless woman and relate that to thoughts of success and acceptance by our peers, as movies tell us, then that will be attractive. That’s what we want, it’s a complete package. Get the girl, get the success, get the acceptance.
I remember exactly the moment that my thoughts on women’s body hair changed. I was at a primal movement retreat (one of my not-so-secret desires is to be Tarzan) and here we all were playing in the trees, balancing on logs, practicing stick fighting and generally getting our wildness on which I loved every minute of. I was surrounded by cool people and together we created an amazing experience, sharing the cooking and cleaning, free of time (no watches allowed) and following our own natural rhythms.
Of course at times we got naked to bathe in the river and I noticed that these gorgeous, strong and fun women all let their bodily hair grow naturally and something changed in me. Suddenly I found the glimpses of armpit hair incredibly sexy. I noticed on these beautiful naked bodies how most women’s leg hairs begin to considerably thin on her thighs. What I saw was that the way a woman’s hair is on her body is distinctly feminine in arrangement and it is gorgeous, it really is.
Now I see a woman’s body hair as sexy. All of it. Even down to those little hairs growing on her toes. A woman’s hair fascinates me, it is sexy and attractive and a part of who she naturally is. It’s you and it’s beautiful and natural.
What I most want is for all women to feel choice about their bodies. If you want to be natural, let it be. It’s seriously sexy and you deserve a man who is going to appreciate you as you are. If, from an empowered place, you choose at times to let your body be deliciously smooth, that is sexy too.
You are woman. You are sexy and you are desirable… Just. As. You. Are.
And you don’t in any way need me to tell you that either.