Why I am going to marry Clare Balding
Alice Arnold, Clare Balding's partner, on what the equal marriage bill means for her and the broadcaster as they prepare to convert their civil partnership.
6:36AM GMT 06 Feb 2013
If you have done a Civil Partnership as Clare Balding and I have, then what does yesterday’s victory mean? Well, we can ‘convert’ our partnership into ‘Marriage’. From using an expression that sounds like we have been paired up under an umbrella of politeness we can now use a phrase that is recognised by everyone.
Most of the people we know refer to us as ‘married’, they talk about having attended our ‘wedding’. We don’t though. We never have. I suspect other people use the term ‘married’ because the expression ‘Civilly Partnered’ sounds so ridiculous.But I suspect some use it (and they are nearly all straight) because that is simply what they feel we should be. Neither of us has made any secret of the fact that we would get married if the law allowed, every newspaper has reported it.
We will do it because we don’t want our relationship to exist in inverted commas. That one word MARRIED is crucial because it defines our relationship. The way we see ourselves and the way we wish others to see us.
I don’t claim to speak for anyone other than myself about what civil partnership or marriage means to them. I only know what is personal to us...but attitudes change laws and laws change attitudes. Clause 28 introduced by Mrs Thatcher, produced an atmosphere of fear and misunderstanding. No one was ever prosecuted but teachers were afraid to mention homosexuality lest they might be.
A generation grew up without support in their schools or clubs. For those that felt they may be gay there was a culture of pervading shame. How could you complain about homophobic bullying if the issue was pushed under the carpet? Young people took their own lives as a result and we all have to live with that.
Yesterday’s victory is important. Children are not born with prejudice, it is society that nurtures it. Young people now can grow up to learn that a loving relationship between a same sex couple can be recognised in exactly the same way, it is not something ‘other’.
Listening to the debate yesterday most of the objections were based on religious grounds. The argument that God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, was rolled out endlessly. That marriage is between a man and a woman and that there should be the possibility for the procreation of children.
The church does not own the institution of marriage. It is a civil right. Two thirds of couples do not get married in a church and if marriage is based on the procreation of children then why was it important to Prince Charles and Camilla, or indeed anybody over childbearing age. It was important, I imagine, because marriage is an expression of love and commitment.
The other argument against the bill is that it will ‘undermine’ marriage...I promise you I have tried to understand but no one can give me a single answer as to how this undermining will happen. Gay people do not seek to devalue marriage we seek to celebrate it. We want to play our role in society, we want to feel accepted and included. We want to contribute and most of all we want to be equal.
The Catholic Church has been allowed to refuse to marry divorced people. This has never been challenged. Churches are protected in this legistlation in the same way. By the same token I can’t imagine any Christian gay couple wishing to force an unwelcoming church to marry them. I’m sure they would rather choose a church that would willingly bless their union.
Marriage, like most constructs, needs to be allowed to develop and evolve. Originally rape within marriage was accepted. Wives were seen as the possession of their husbands. These ideas are unpalatable to us now. I believe we will look back on last night as a defining moment when we broke though a wall of inequality and prejudice. David Cameron will not be vilified for this..he will be celebrated.
So don’t fear it. Embrace it. If I win the lottery you do not become poorer. In an article on the Conservative Home website J P Floru says: “In every country which introduced gay marriage it stopped being an issue the day after.”
This is the day after.
Best known as a Radio 4 announcer and newsreader, Alice originally trained and worked as an actress. Her degree was in politics and she was a magistrate throughout her thirties. She entered into a Civil Partnership With Clare Balding in 2006. They live in London with their dog Archie and elderly cat Itty. Alice left the BBC in December 2012.
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