Friday, August 2, 2013
Why "Never Give Up" is a Bad Motto
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In psychology, we refer to “giving up” as disengagement and to “trying something else” as reengagement. When a goal is unattainable, some of us have stronger tendencies than others to disengage and then reengage. It’s easy to think of people who have a tendency to give up as being weak or depressed. However, research shows that is not the case! When goals are unattainable, the tendencies to disengage and then reengage are actually associated with higher subjective well-being. Let’s take a look.
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At this point, you might be wondering what unattainable goals are. For this study, researchers asked students to report on three different kinds of unattainable goals. Sometimes goals are unattainable because we no longer have the opportunity to achieve them. For example, after a certain age, women are no longer able to bear children. Other times we face a negative life event that renders a goal unattainable. People who have the goal to grow old with their spouse cannot do that if their spouse dies young. Finally, some goals are unattainable because we just don’t have the resources to pursue them all at once. I can’t go skiing for eight hours every day of the week and complete all of my responsibilities as a graduate student. One of those goals is unattainable if I’m working toward the other. Unattainable goals are sometimes sad to think about, so let’s move on to the results about giving them up.
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When faced with unattainable goals, people not only give up, but they also move on. In this study, the researchers found that the tendency to reengage in new goals was associated with well-being above and beyond the tendency to disengage from unattainable goals. The more students had a tendency to reengage in new goals, the less stressed they were, the fewer intrusive thoughts they had, and the more control and purpose in life they felt. Getting involved with something new is a second, beneficial step that can follow giving up an unattainable goal.
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If you need more evidence that "never give up" is not always good advice, research on disengagement from specific goals (not only the tendency to disengage) has also demonstrated that the process of disengagement has benefits. For example, disengagement from the goal to bear a child has been associated with greater well-being in women past child-bearing age.
I’m hopeful that at this point you understand why I’m not the biggest fan of “never give up.” I want people to achieve their goals, and a lot of what I study is how they can. When faced with unattainable goals, though, giving up and trying something new may be better for overall well-being than continuing to pursue something that will not work.
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