A Day in the Life of a Bull Terrier (Told by the Dog)
By Yours Truly, The Center of the Universe .
6:00 AM – Wake Up and Choose Violence (Lovingly)
I wake up before the sun. Why? Because I must. I stare at my human until they open one eye. Then I sneeze directly in their face. This is how I say “Good morning, I love you. Now feed me.”
Zoomies across the bed. A jump. A spin. Knock a pillow off. Stretch dramatically like a yoga instructor with too much caffeine. The day has begun!
6:30 AM – The Sacred Breakfast Ceremony
You call it “feeding time.” I call it a spiritual event. I sit (because I’m a good dog… sometimes), I make intense eye contact, and I vibrate with anticipation. Bowl hits the floor—I perform the disappearing act. Food? What food?
Gone!
7:00 AM – Work Supervision Mode Activated
My human “works” from home. This is a lie. They mostly stare at a screen and talk to themselves. I take my job very seriously:
Sit on their foot
Snort under the desk
Drop a slobbery toy on their keyboard
Dramatically sigh for no reason
If I don’t get attention every 4.3 minutes, I file a formal complaint by barking at the wall.
10:00 AM – The Zoomies Demand Sacrifice
Zoomies are sacred. They come without warning. I must obey.
Run through hallway. Launch off couch. Skid across the floor. Slam into door. Shake it off. Repeat.
This is my cardio. I don’t need a gym.
12:00 PM – “Training Time” (Aka Let’s Make a Deal)
My human says I’m “strong-willed.” I say I’m independent.
I know the commands. I just like to keep them guessing.
Sit? Sure—if the treats are premium.
Down? I’ll think about it.
Stay? Define “stay.”
Real talk: my human read this e-book thing they wrote, and now training is weirdly fun. Don’t tell them I said that!
2:00 PM – Nap Like You Mean It
Position: upside down.
Location: sunspot on the floor or couch.
Soundtrack: loud snoring, occasional dream woofs.
Do not disturb unless you enjoy being side-eyed.
4:00 PM – Neighborhood Threat Assessment
Every Bull Terrier knows the importance of patrol.
Delivery driver? Suspicious.
Cat? Intruder.
Wind? A challenge to my authority.
I bark. I growl. I puff out my chest. My human says, “It’s just a leaf.” Lies. It could be a ninja leaf.
6:00 PM – Dinner: The Sequel
Repeat the sacred ceremony from earlier. But this time, even more dramatic. Whines, tail wags, interpretive dance. I act like I’ve never been fed in my life. It’s very convincing.
8:00 PM – Couch Time and Emotional Attachment
Couch. Blanket. Human. This is my soft spot in the storm. I snuggle like a pro, make deep eye contact, and occasionally let out a heartfelt fart. This is how I show affection.
10:00 PM – Final Patrol & Snore Symphony
One last sniff of the backyard, pee on something meaningful, bark at a ghost—and I’m done.
Back inside, curl up like a cinnamon roll, and begin my nighttime snoring concert. Loud enough to scare the neighbors. Peaceful enough to make the angels weep.
P.S. From Your Bull Terrier
Want to understand me better? My human wrote this super helpful e-book that basically translates Bull Terrier into Human. It’s got all the secrets, training tips, and funny stuff I’m too proud to admit out loud. Just saying.
Ready to speak Bull Terrier fluently?
Grab the e-book: “Dear Human: 150 Things Your Bull Terrier Wants You to Know” and become the human your Bull Terrier brags about at the dog park.
I so miss my Bullie .....
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