No comment ...............
How to Be ‘Manly’.
Twice today I came across some funny internet content that was about ‘being manly.’
Since I don’t believe in coincidence I take this as an omen and
assume the Universe is inviting me to write about masculinity. And of
course I feel the need to balance the funny stuff and approach the topic
dead seriously. But before I start doing that, let me give you the
links that triggered this post. First one is “
What manly dudes talk about” and second is
“How to be a man?” from Tales of Mere Existence, an excellent channel on YouTube, in my opinion.
I do feel that it’s an interesting and challenging topic. The bottom
line is very simple. To be a man we have to be a mature version of a
person with a Y chromosome. And everything we don’t develop doesn’t
mature. Our physical development takes care of itself more or less. We
just need to keep eating, sleeping, drinking and breathing (although it
helps tremendous if we do that properly). But if we don’t take care of
our psychological, intellectual, emotional and spiritual development
these aspects remain underdeveloped and therefore immature. You can do
the quick scan right now: if you are a man and haven’t been taking care
of one or more of these terrains you can be sure that the corresponding
side of you is immature.
Anyway, let’s get started. I typed this list in my phone while
waiting for my order of Thai food. I did it off the cuff—there is no
particular order nor am I having pretenses about it being complete. On
second thought and more honest: I think it’s pretty complete but I was
just acting humble. This is a list of features I honestly feel a mature
man must own, be or do:
1. Be fearless
Being fearless does not mean being without fear, being fearless means
admitting your fears and going beyond them. A real man is not in denial
of his fears, holding up a mask of invulnerability but is willing to
face his fears and work on them. He has the courage to do things that
frighten him when the situation calls for it. A real man knows that the
path towards fearlessness is endless.
2. Be resilient
A man should be flexible and reliable at the same time. If necessary
he can start all over again at any given moment. Whatever happens; his
house was burnt down, his crop failed, he lost his job, his wife had a
miscarriage: even if he has mourning to do he starts all over again. A
real man accepts his fate but doesn’t become a victim of it.
3. Live, speak and listen from the heart
A real man doesn’t hide his feelings and intentions. He is not afraid
to be gentle nor afraid to be sad. He is in touch with his emotions and
is able to express them. He has the courage to live his dream and the
space to listen compassionately.
4. Own your anger
A real man owns his anger. His anger has transformed into masculine
compassion. He can be angry, strong, decisive and courageous. His anger
serves his presence and the presence of others. It is not a humiliating
or destructive type of anger. The latter happens when a man is a slave
of his anger, that’s the anger of the coward trying to overcompensate
his feelings of inferiority. This is just as sad as a man completely
disconnected from his anger. He becomes emasculated and has no power at
all. Other men don’t take him seriously. Women can smell immature anger
and emasculatedness from a mile away and don’t find it sexy. Mature
anger, on the other hand, is a big turn on.
5. Make meaning
Try not to become a man of success, try to become a man of value.
Einstein said that. I think that’s true and important. If you fill your
days with doing something that pays the bills but is essentially
meaningless you are wasting your precious life. Yes, even if it pays the
bills so handsomely that you can spend 2 months per year on adventurous
holidays and eat in fancy restaurants, you are still wasting your life.
A real man has the balls to travel outside his comfort zone to make a
sincere attempt to contribute to mankind. He works for the greater good
instead of for the sake of protection of his self image and clinging to
the illusion of safety.
6. Own your edge
This life is a journey and we all are somewhere on our path. A real
man is honest about where he is at in his development. He doesn’t
pretend to be wiser or more evolved than he actually is nor does he
shrink so that others won’t feel insecure around him. He knows his
strengths and his weaknesses and not ashamed of either. That there is
always work to do is a given to him. He knows where he has his work to
do and is willing to listen and learn from those who have done that
work.
7. Be vulnerable
A coward is always trying to hide his weak spots, a real man works on
them. He is willing and able to reveal himself even in the midst of
pain. He is vulnerable because he
wants to be vulnerable. By
opening up in every moment he is continuously practicing his courage.
It’s his way of defeating his own cowardice.
8. Make love passionately
A real man does not hold back. When he makes love he opens up to all
his rawness and all his tenderness and he gives his woman everything he
has got. He does not shy away from intimacy. He can penetrate his woman
so hard and deeply that she can feel that he is entering her soul. He
aims for her heart. He makes her feel like a princess and a porn star
simultaneously.
9. Practice a martial art
When push comes to shove every man should be able to defend his wife,
children and honor. Just like we teach our children to swim to prevent
them from drowning a man should know at least enough basic fighting
skills so he can throw a punch in case of an emergency. A real man has
spent enough time in a ring or dojo to ensure a deescalating presence.
He does not panic, is not easily provoked and has some strength and
skills.
No comments:
Post a Comment