Sunday 29 October 2017

So you want an English bull terrier?


There are some things you need to know!
Training.
Some say training a bullie is hard work because you have to do it all again the following day as they forget. Myself I believe they are very clever and act thick so we don’t bother training them. I wonder who is training who?
Stubbornness.
They are not very tall but are pretty wide, they have a dense muscle mass and know how to use it. No amount of pulling, pushing or coaxing is going to make a bullie do something it does not want to do. The amount of times I have seen this breed being carried home from somewhere is silly and they ain’t lightweights either.
Active/non active states.
They have two, one being fast asleep and dead to the world. You have to spend your time trying to manoeuvre around where they have dropped. Earthquakes can’t move them. The other is like being possessed by a poltergeist and being hurled all around your house at breakneck speed. Your furniture is simply something to bounce off to change direction. The only way to change either of these states is by opening a packet of crisps within earshot!
Food.
They will eat anything and everything 24/7 if given the chance. They have the stomach and construction of a cast iron ox and will eat things that will make you barf. They relish the most disgusting things you can imagine and wolf it down while you throw up in the corner. Yes, if you don’t clean that up fast they will have it ðŸ¤¢
What’s yours.
Is theirs, everything, until they have tried to see if it’s edible it’s fair game, they will either eat it or try to eat it. If you don’t want that you need to lock it in a safe. In a storage room. In a secure facility. In another country!
Poo!
Not theirs but cow poo, horse poo, fox poo, badger poo, goose poo. No mater where they are they will find some and do two things, eat it or roll in it. Eating it is bad as both their breath and behinds will stink. Rolling in it means they get to share the joy of the stink. You will smell of it, your car will smell of it, your house will smell of it and will do so until you have had the battle royal of bathing them. Once clean they will go do it again.
Herding pigs.
Get used to it, it’s like being haunted, they follow you everywhere, the shower, the toilet, your bed, everywhere. When you need to do something and want them out of the way you have to herd them away. As soon as you turn around they are behind you, you consider getting a collie to move them around.
So you still want an English bull terrier?
My advice?
Hell yeah, it will be the best thing you ever do ðŸ˜Š

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