Via Jordan Epstein

on Sep 10, 2012

How to Not Be Sorry.

             

 

 

We always hear people say “don’t be sorry.”

Sometimes we come up with other words to say instead.

“My bad, dude.”

Over time, I learned that’s not the best way to keep friends—it’s kind of like messing up and then acting like it’s no big deal. Let me excuse myself.
So how do we not be sorry?
Last week, I was working with Brotha Nyft, and at one point I screwed something up that needed correction.
Nyft had been mentally rehearsing his rhymes—the producer’s new beat was on the stereo, his lyrics were in his hand and he was focusing in. About a minute into his process, I interrupted him with my brand of beginner level freestyling. Nyft wasn’t angry, though. For the 11 millionth time he said something to the effect of, “Dude, you’re not sorry—you know who you are. Be here.”
I was befuddled for a second, but then it clicked. I was simply rehearsing a “negative” memory in my mind. Thinking about what had already happened, and then judging it.

I was playing my own executioner in a reality that doesn’t exist anymore.

We know that to create a specific future based on our thoughts and actions now, condemnation and feeling sorry for ourselves is not the best way to set up the world we really want. So how do we definitely not make a mistake again? What actions in the present moment create a new and harmonious future?
I finally figured it out.
I was sitting there, thinking about the moment, deciphering the way to make the experience flow if it were to happen again. Nyft told me not to be sorry, so what should I do instead?
I had known that he was listening to the track, getting into the flow he had written. So to turn my interruption into a lesson and not a problem, I realized that the words that had come out of my mouth freestyle while he was working, I actually had to act on.
I flowed of the empowerment reclaimed by entering the stillness contained in the center of our hearts, re-broadcasting out that positive spark while staying open in mind, connecting and listening to what comes through from inside—and… yeah. I interrupted him.
The words were right—why wasn’t I taking my advice?

Reverse the polarities and empty my head, fill my heart.

It’s not too difficult, we just have to actually do it.
Even though he wasn’t verbalizing his flow, I knew what he was doing. I could have given him attention and made him feel more powerful.
So to act properly in this situation, we don’t interrupt a person and instead, we use the inspiration personally. We care for the other, see their inspiration, thank them and their own inspiration source quietly and humbly.
So when someone reminds you of your aunt when they’re telling a story, you write down a note to call her later… if you need the note, that is, you may just remember it. Act on everything in its right time—but stay here.

And how do we not be sorry?

First, we stay present.

We breathe in and allow ourselves to feel whole now.  From this place of stillness, we analyze our actions, find the right results, and project future positive outcomes for when you find yourself in similar situations again.
We correct ourselves. Accept. Connect. Learn. Grow. And we never have to really go through feeling too sorry. Just that initial feeling to correct the action for next time.
That’s how I don’t be sorry.
Thanks to Brotha Nyft for living the lesson and reflecting. How do you do it?
Editor: Lynn Hasselberger